I am kind of melancholy today. It is Christmas break from school and I am alone at home to do lots. You would think I would be euphoric.
I am missing my mom and Scott's mom a lot lately~everyday. There is not a day that goes by without thinking about something I would love to share with them. They say grief gets better over time~ for me I don't cry as much, but I think about them all the time.
I don't want to be one of those people who can't look forward to the future because I live in the past to much, but turning 50 has been a hard number for me. I can't really pinpoint why this is, but I am not exactly where I thought or hoped I would be at this age. If you ask me where I had hoped to be I'm not sure what to tell you. I married young, had our girls young and so maybe it is the Grandma thing. I compare myself to Scott's mom at this age. She was a very young Grandma (late 30's)

But life is what it should be right now because all of our days and times are ordaned by God, and He does not make mistakes. I know in His time I will be a Grandma and hopefully be able to take care of them often. I say that losely because I want their mommys to be able stay at home with them. It was the most rewarding job I ever had and even though we had little finacially we had enough because the time with our girls at home was worth more the any material thing.

God has been so good to Scott and I--we have not understood some things that we have gone through, but I know He was with us and walked through all of life with us. He doesn't promise tomorrow to anyone, but I know that if tomorrow doesn't come for me I will be in a more wonderful place with my mom and Scott's mom having a wonderful reunion. Time marches on and there is nothing I can do to stop it and so I will direct my mindset towards hoping for and looking forward to 51. :)

Anxiety and Contentment

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving , present your requests to God, and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6 & 7

This is one of my favorite verses in the bible---I claimed this verse for the first time when I was a teenager, and very anxious about my future. It carries me through my days because I am prone to worry. I tend to worry about so many things I can't do anything about, and when I manage to convince myself of that I pray. Prayer is what I should have done in the first place in order to ward off the worry. It is one of the first things I think about, but because of sin worry creeps in and my faith falters. Yes my faith falters, it is at those times my emotions take over and I become a basket case. Does anyone else have this problem. I bet you do, especially if you are a women. Women tend to let emotions overwhelm them before they claim God's peace. Can you claim God's peace for your life, your future, your family?

I have been reading a book called---Calm My Anxious Heart, by Linda Dillow and in it she has four things we need to practice in our lives----

1-Choosing to give our anxieties to God
2-Choosing to pray SPECIFICALLY
3-Choosing to be thankful
4-Choosing to dwell on the positive

Wow those are a prescription aren't they.
---being specific in our prayers is helpful to us, God already knows what we are coming to Him about.
---Being thankful for the things, situation and people He has put in our lives right now, there is a purpose for everything and everyone. Try thanking God for what He is doing even though you don't understand it right now and being thankful for what is to come.
---being positive is a hard one for me. My mind always goes to the negative in situations. I have had to really work at this all my life, it is a sin pit for me.

"Beware of what you dwell on for that you shall surely become."---Ralph Waldo Emerson
This quote is convicting in my life.

Our thought life --not our circumstances--determines whether we are content.

I hope and pray that all of you can Choose to give your anxious thoughts to the Savior.
Also we all need contentment, inner peace separate from our circumstances. It can be achieved through a shift of attitude more that a change in circumstances.

Believe me as you read these words I am constantly working on my self in every area I have talked about here. Pray for me as I pray for you.

LOVE YOU All---Cynthia---Mom